I miss you.

Dear Grandma,
After dropping Emma and Dougie off at school today, I was headed back home and just listening to the radio. Being in the car by myself (a rarity!), I was lost in my thoughts until I heard the very first note of the song. It was the song that will forever remind me of you. I started to change the station because honestly, I haven't been able to listen to the whole thing since you went home to Jesus. But then I changed my mind, something told me to just push through it. By the time he began singing the words I was already in tears. By mid song my grief was so strong.
I miss you so much.
But then he sang these words,
"And I hear the voice of many angels sing, "Worthy is the Lamb!"

At that moment, mind's perspective was shifted, my grief was taken over by a deeper, stronger, more peaceful emotion as I allowed myself to envision you before Jesus, singing those same words. It was so powerful that I thought I was going to have to pull over. Thank the Lord for back country roads!

As the song repeated, I was even more overcome when it registered in my mind what the song says next,
"And I hear the cry of every longing heart, "Worthy is the Lamb!"

Then I understood what I was feeling, I am longing. Longing to  stand before my Redeemer and sing those precious words, "Worthy is the Lamb!" and I'm longing to see you, Grandma. Someday.

Almost a year ago I wrote this post about you and I want to share is again.

Originally posted May 18, 2011

Last Monday morning, I called my Grandmother to see how her Mother's Day went & to just catch up. I knew that she had planned on going with my mom & dad to my sister's church for my nephew's baby dedication. She shared with me how her legs had really been hurting her for several days and by Saturday night, she'd pretty much decided not to go. She didn't want to be a burden to others because she would be getting around slowly. But when Sunday morning came, she got up, decided to move around a bit and see how she felt. She went into the living room to watch her favorite Sunday morning show, The Gaithers. But when she tuned in, she realized that her show had already gone off and that another show was on and Chris Tomlin was singing. Her words to me were, "I just love Chris Tomlin."

*I love the fact that my 86 year old grandmother loves Chris Tomlin!

So she decided to watch this show. As some point during this show Chris sang, "I Will Rise" which is an amazing song. And as my Grandmother listened to this song, she knew that despite how she felt or the fact that she might be moving slowly, she had to "get up off her rear and go." (Her words!)

There is so much to learn from this example that my Grandmother has set for me. When I first decided to write this post, I was thinking about how she is an example of someone who is willing to embrace change, especially in the area of music. But as I typed this, I realized that there's a deeper lesson to be learned, with me being the first needing to learn it.

My heart and mind are now churning over all that I am sensing the Spirit speaking to me about in my life.

Sometimes I just need to get off my rear and go!
When I grow up I want to be just like my Grandma!